Tantric sex is simple: It is the art of making love consciously.
When we bring awareness to the act, we automatically contact deeply with the love that we are. Tantra is embodied awareness, we situate our mind in our body, and we allow the intelligence of the body to flow. We naturally awaken to the energy of love which is always present, always available for us to connect with. Man connects with his loving penis, and woman opens her heart fully and her love energy turbo charges the experience into higher realms and they merge and share the energy they generate.
There’s no goal in tantric sex other than to be completely present in each moment. We slow down so that we can be present to each nuance and really feel everything. It takes presence in and of itself to be so slow.
Presence is multi-layered. Any time we think we’re being present, we’ve swum back to the surface of thought. Back down into the body we have to go. We are cultivating a state of no-mind.
People might think that they’re conscious during sex, after all, they’re awake and alert, and focused on the act…. Or are they? Mental alertness is a different thing to full bodied presence. Presence certainly has different levels. Where are their thoughts - how distracting are they? How much of the pleasure potential of the body can they feel? How much do they use fantasy to arouse themselves, thereby severing the energetic connection between them and their partner? Do they override what they could be feeling in order to keep things moving along? How much do they actually know about the power and potential of sex, because it’s one thing to be aware during normal sex and it’s another thing to have the awareness of what it takes to transcend into the exalted realms. The more aware we are, the more we know about sex, the more pleasure we feel, so I guess you can measure your actual awareness of sex from how much amazing full body long lasting orgasmic pleasure you feel.
The tantric approach is to bridge the usual divide between the head and the body. We situate the mind’s attention in the body, and then, for a change, the mind and body are in harmony together instead of doing two different things. This is where the magic is. In having a relaxed attention with the present moment as experienced through the sensations in the body. It’s mindfulness training. A meditation on pleasure. We develop our sensitivity to what is, instead of looking for more. The key is in the connection with ourselves. And also in letting sounds flow through the body. If we make sound on every exhale this creates a full body experience. Sound is sexual energy, as they say.
Sex with another is a chance to go deeply within ourselves, to a world we only get to visit through this divine union with the other. The power of meditation and sexual arousal combined is one of the most amazing experiences we can have as humans. We are still completely connected with our partner, but it’s from a place of being very connected with our own bodies first and foremost. We become very sensitive to pleasure, so that even light touch or an embrace becomes very orgasmic. Our whole body awakens its orgasmic potential when we focus on orgasmicness more than peak orgasm.
If we slow down, look each other in the eye, stay true to what we are really feeling in the body and in each moment it can make us feel more vulnerable, more aware of where we are shut down or not feeling the pleasures we know we want to, and more aware of whenever we are not completely authentic. Through remaining present with the sensations and feelings in the body in each moment, and letting the sounds of our feelings move through our body, we enter the ecstatic realms. That’s the beauty of the work of developing yourself sexually. You may touch some uncomfortable experiences, but that’s part of growth and integration on the path to bodily bliss together. Whatever you find, take a deep breath, and recenter yourself in the experience of the body. The mind is always trying to take us away from the deeper experience of our true nature which is bliss and lovingness. In the Tantric approach to making love, every thought is considered a distraction.
Instead of following our thoughts, we follow the flow of energy as it arises. It can come in waves. Either by yourself or with a partner, if you lie down and get present and breathe deeply and allow yourself to feel and express what is there to be felt and expressed, energy will arise. It can take some practice to get this present with yourself and with your sexual partner. It can take some practice to find this simmering coal within if you have become used to relying on external stimulation for your arousal. Allow the bodies to take the lead, not the minds. Then you will drop into a dance which has both periods of activity and stimulation, and equal parts stillness and absorbing. The body will do this dance naturally, following each wave as it arises and descends. Stay true to that.
Women are the teachers in Tantra, and perhaps more men should take their cues from women when it comes to sex. And perhaps women should feel more empowered to express themselves sexually. A lot of women are generally asking for similar sorts of things, more connection, lovingness, slow down, explore the body, give me lots of sensual touch, don’t be so goal oriented, take longer, linger, let me love you fully, let me feel your total love, ravish me until I am completely undone. Things like that. Unless they’re asking for completely different things, in which case you should give them what they’re asking for. : )
When women get empowered around the feminine, they are able to set better boundaries and have more confidence in expressing their innate knowing. Women know how to make love, but their intuition has been messed with, because most of the education people get about sex from the mainstream is very limiting and a lot about positions and actions and orgasms, rather than just relaxing into the body and relaxing into each other. Sex is of the feminine domain, and women are naturally at home in the domains of sense and sexuality. We should trust ourselves more. Express ourselves. Guide our men lovingly towards their deeper natures by ever revealing more and more of ours and sharing loving stillnesses. Show him how to relax into sex. Help him remove that pressure to perform. Share with him our sounds of pleasure that help release his tensions and let him follow us into pleasure. Take him beyond his ego, deep into his body, and into the pleasure possible when a couple relax into pleasure instead of striving for orgasms. It’s the greatest gift we have for him, to receive him in totality, to welcome him home to the relaxed embrace. We should guide them as lovingly as possible to understand the unique mysteries of our bodies and express their own.
As they say, everyone needs to meditate, so we may as well meditate on pleasure. Everyone needs a spiritual practice, so why not elevate your sex life and relationship to such a status? It is fair to say that many people desire a happy life long relationship with a loving and supportive partner.
Tantra makes it possible.