Thoughts on Touch


When you touch someone it should be special.  You should be centred and present and fully engaged with the part of the body you are touching.  Conscious touch is loving, present, relaxing, and expansive.  All touch should be conscious.   Unconscious touch, touching a person while your mind is elsewhere really doesn’t feel very nice.



Touch communicates so much to another person.  It is the most important sense in that it overrides all other forms of communication.   Conscious touch communicates confidence, presence, and trustability.  It allows the person receiving to relax completely.  Unconscious touch, on the other hand, feels more like spiders crawling across the body.  It distracts the mind, and makes it focus on where are the spiders going to crawl next?  It is discomfort inducing instead of relaxing.  Anyone can feel when someone is touching them without presence, or touching them with an agenda to touch the next intimate part of their body.  Its not very good touch, because it doesn’t open the body in the way that it could.  If you are talking and stroking a person aimlessly meanwhile, it doesn’t send a great message into their body, you’d be better of keeping your hands still.

Too many couples live in touch deprived relationships.

And too many people don’t touch mindfully or with awareness. 

Screen Shot 2018-05-27 at 12.03.49 PM.png

Sometimes people come to me to learn how to touch, and I teach them ‘presence is everything’. And they’re like ‘right, got it, what’s next?’ But really, there is nothing next.  That’s all there is.  We should stay at that level of touch until we get it right, not try and move onto the next thing when we haven’t achieved presence.   When we are truly present with any part of the body, it feels very orgasmic for the receiver.  

Awareness has layers and layers to it.  We might think we are being aware, but in that moment we realise we are thinking about it, we are not being it.  Awareness is a continual practice of reorienting our attention to the touch. The giver seeking to lose themselves as much as the receiver.   You want to really pay attention when you are touching - with your senses.  It’s not something you think about, it’s something you feel.  Good quality touch feels orgasmic - in any part of the body!  This is something I think that people crave.  Such deep relaxation and repair.   Experiences of pleasure and blissful states of relaxation.  You want to really get inside your partner’s body, really feel the musculature and the fascia, the muscles, ligaments and bones and when you really have the resonance, the connection with what you’re doing - when it becomes fascinating to you, that’s when it feels amazing to your partner. 


It’s so important to have regular doses of sensual touch in our lives.

If you’re in a relationship, always having massage oil close to the bed. And using it.  Being each other’s healers and soothers.   Bringing lots of restorative nurturing touch into a relationship is one of the best things you can do to restore and heal and relax each other. 

Sensual touch is one of the most important things in the world to a body.  Kittens die without touch, and babies' brains don’t develop if they aren’t touched lovingly often enough.   As adults, our bodies harden and calcify without touch.  

Touch is such a beautiful thing for a couple to share.  It brings so much closeness.  When in a relationship, usually people only have each other that they can be so intimate and vulnerable with.  

Your touch should feel like home to your partner.  We want our partners to be devoted to us sexually because they can’t get what we give them anywhere else.  Sex has more or less importance to each individual, but for those of us who value sex as one of the most important parts of relationship, sex which is transcendental, evolving, changing, deepening and developing is the dream.  Quality touch is the way.