When his Plumbing Breaks Down. For the Ladies.

Sometimes in a couples' life, it's inevitable that a man's plumbing won't respond as hoped for. This can happen for men when they are feeling disconnected from themselves, aren't getting regular sex, are with partners they're not 100% confident with, as they age, if they've had a bit to drink, or when they're a bit stressed, which would be most men in Sydney.   

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't attracted to you.

What you'll notice happening, is that you will both become aware of his penis starting to deflate.  You will feel the energy receding from his genitals, and moving way back up to his head, as he confronts his declining strength.  He may be beginning to thrust harder, in a vain attempt to keep his strength.  But it doesn't work.  The energy has gone, and the penis is flaccid.  Your sexual experience comes to a standstill.  But it doesn't have to be the end of the evening.  And there is a fair bit you can do to relieve the emotional distress he may be facing. Because remember - his number one desire is to please you and make you happy and to have you feeling sexually fulfilled.  Partners of men who have erectile issues have a huge role to play in helping them get through this experience, and back on track.   

What he needs from you now is your loving kindness and no judgement.  It happens!  It's not about you.  You can still show him a lot of affection and love.  It's important that you stay relaxed about it so that it doesn't add to the pressure he's already feeling.  

Usually what the penis needs, is just a bit of a break.  5-10 minutes should be enough. This isn't a bad thing, sexually speaking, it is normal for the penis to rise and fall during the course of love making, and each time, new blood flow comes into the area.  So that's a good thing.   You can take a break, and come back to making love.  

The flaccid penis still has heaps of pleasure in it, and even different kinds of sensations than what a man gets with a hard penis.  The poor penis has so much pressure on it to be hard all the time.  But the flaccid penis contains softer, more emotional, more tender capacity than the rock hard penis.  If the couple can be cool with the flaccid penis, and not act like there's something wrong with the guy, because there isn't.  The penis just needs a little break, and the guy just needs a little chance to reconnect.

It wouldn't be a good idea to stimulate the penis to make it hard again.  Too much strain, too much effort, too much pressure, no guarantee it will work, and if that's your methodology than you're probably going to end up disappointed because you're taking it too seriously.  Touch the penis with loving soft caring kind touch.  That's what the penis wants.  Let go of the idea of trying to make it hard again - both of you - and just explore the sensations of the loving gentle touch.  Or if you want to put it in your mouth, i'm sure he'll like that, but I'd be clear that I wasn't putting pressure on him to make it hard, and it would be more of a loving gentle holding in the warmth of the mouth until i felt the penis stir, rather than trying really hard to make it hard.  Hard work! 

Inserting the flaccid penis is another option.  This is a pretty standard approach to Tantric Sex anyway.  You can insert the flaccid penis, and remain connected in your embrace of love.  Again, it's not about pressure or trying to make the penis hard.  But by breathing together, relaxing, staying connected in the love that you are, often, the penis will start to harden naturally, simply from the delight of being in the natural warm moist place it most likes to be.  Your role here is to create a calm and relaxing vagina for the penis to rest in, and let the natural flow of energy between the genitals restore the strength naturally.  You could also caress and squeeze it with the yoni after it starts to thicken a little. 

Another little trick I use is to talk to the penis and use reverse psychology on it.  "Ok, little fella!  That's enough for you then! No more sex for you!"  The penis will usually bounce back pretty quick when it hears this!  Delivered in a kind and humourous way; no harm done if it doesn't work. 

Another trick is to suck on his finger - his ring finger in particular as this is connected with sexuality.  Do everything in a relaxed loving fashion.  Focus on the finger not the penis and the penis can bounce back.  Obviously doing it while your other hand is caressing the penis would add to it.  

Regular love making can help improve things too.  If he's not getting enough intimacy, that can be one reason this problem develops.  Which only compounds the problem.

The worst thing you can do is put more pressure on him, act like this always happens and there's something wrong with him, or take it personally as though it's about you.   Keep the heart connection strong because that is what he needs.    Men put a lot of pressure on themselves to be responsible for the 'success' of a love making session.  If your orgasm is his responsibility, and if your sex life follows the usual mainstream trajectory of you orgasm, he penetrates, he orgasms, you both sleep, this is also a pressure on him.  Actually, making love without any kind of a goal or an agenda than to connect and to share and to love each other is very healing for erectile issues.  Take away the pursuit of orgasms, and simply relax into love making together.  

In a relationship of trust and love, this problem can be cured through remagnetising the  poles of the vagina and the penis.  When there is a lot of movement going on, we can't feel the more subtle magnetic vibrations of the genitals.   One method to cure erectile problems, would be to spend at least 10 minutes a day, in a loving embrace, with the flaccid penis inserted in the vagina. While focusing on breathing together, eye gazing, remaining connected and being the love that you are for each other.  Through this relaxed approach, the penis will naturally strengthen.  Orgasm is not the goal of this approach.  Spend the time exploring the more subtle energetic realms, and observing what happens when movement and orgasm isn't the goal.  Perhaps paradoxically, this method improves penile strength.  Give it a couple of weeks and see.  Have fun.  

Have you tried this approach?  How did you go?  

Let me know if you have any more questions in the comments below. 

Bella xx